I'm just ughhh right now. Mostly because I'm tired of this military thing. No seriously, I have literally dealt with it my whole life, and it doesn't look like it's going to end any time soon. I mean, hubby is so up and down with it. One day he loves it, the next he hates it. One day he agrees with me that we should just get out, and the next he wants to do twenty. I'm at a definite point of, I want out, I'm done, I'm sick of it. I want my husband home every day, at a definite time, and I want him to spend time with his son instead of coming home and just laying around on his butt while I still take care of everything. I'm just frustrated. I want to live around my family and not have to pack up and leave great friends every few years. I want my son to grow up in a stable normal environment with Mom AND Dad around. I want his daddy to be there for every basketball/football game, practice, event, graduation, anything my son says is important. I don't want to have to have to explain to him and try to make him understand that we have no control over it, nor do I want him to be bitter like I am because his father can't make up his mind about this, and gave up the chance to get out many times.
Maybe this would be easy if we had ever had a good experience in the military. Maybe if we haven't been screwed over many times I would be okay. Maybe if anything ever went right, if anyone could ever do their job properly, if we had ever had a command really stand behind their man and work to get him what he deserves (Not saying this command isn't like this, we just haven't been there long enough so I wouldn't know) then maybe, just maybe I would be okay with this. Instead, we just keep getting the short hand, the shit being blown out of the fan at us, and still my husband wants this? I can't understand it at all. I don't understand what drives him to do this continually, I'm sure part of it is us, that he wants to provide for us, and he knows that he can do it in the military, but seriously. I have explained to him that we do have other options, and he refuses to see them. I feel like my son and I are being condemned to twenty years in because he wants to do it. And I feel like I'm going to have some really huge BS sprung on me in the middle of a deployment. Which, isn't good. Everything in my heart tells me that we aren't making the right decision by staying in, but how do I explain this to him so that he understands?
No, today isn't a bad day, it isn't a "FTN" kind of day. It's just things I have had on my mind for a few weeks now. I need some place to lay them out because my husbands ear's are apparently too full to hear them.
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