A Brighter Day

So after many debates, tears, and discussion, I finally buckled down and agreed to go on medication for depression. It's pretty easy to tell from my previous posts that things weren't the best. I spent many days crying, I felt like life was crushing me, and I didn't have the energy to take of myself after a whole day with my son. I have always made sure his needs were met, but never considered myself. And now that my husband has been home, we have had many discussions, some more bad news, and I felt like life was literally beating me down. I couldn't get back up because every time I tried, I would be pushed back down again, to the point where I felt like I was suffocating.
And now...the little gray cloud that followed me everywhere is gone. It's almost amazing. I've been so against medication because of personal experiences, and it's been many years, but now I feel like it's the best decision I have ever made. I am happy again. Truely happy. I am giddy and excited and I do all sorts of things. I play with my son, I get chores done around the house, I run to my husband and give him a huge hug and kiss when he gets home. I feel like myself again. I feel like that missing part of me is slowly coming back. I feel like I can breathe. I feel normal.
It's a beautiful feeling that I haven't had in so long. I have let the past year and a half beat me down so bad. The list of disappointments extends longer than a roll of toilet paper. And yet, here I am, and I feel like I can handle this now. I've got a grip. I can take what life punches at me, and fight back. I can be prepard, and I can deal. I missed this.
Besides this, we spent this gorgeous day outside for a little while today. We went to a memorial park and flew a kite and had a picnic. The little man was so happy and excited, and the hubby and I were too. I loved it. I want to just lay out in the sun and tan again, soak up the warmth and energy. Tomorrow hubby has duty, so I'm not sure what we are going to do, but I am going to try to plan something for Sunday at least. It's too nice out to stay inside at all. I'm just not sure yet what I want to do.
My big boy is almost completely crawling. He has been rocking on his hands and knees for almost two weeks now. And has now gotten to the point where he will move a limb or two before sliding down and pulling himself where he needs to go. I keep putting off seriously baby proofing because we are just going to move in a few months. But he is so big now and entertains himself a lot. He is officially eating cheerios and LOVES it. I even gave him a slice of an apple today to chew on and he is just adoring the self feeding thing. The little bug is going to be so independant soon. Luckily for me though, he still loves napping with mommy and there are times where he just wants to be held and cuddled with. So I hope he stays all lovey for...well forever.
Hubby is trying to put in for an officer package. He will be taking the ACT here within the next few weeks and if he does well, then he is going to get everything together for the package. His chief even told him he could get really high recommendation from the command and they are completely behind him. So I am praying this works out. If not, I'm not sure what we are going to do. I know that hubby is on the fence about staying in if this doesn't go through. So I hope it does. He really truely deserves it.
As for me, I am busying myself with well, those two guys in my life. Trying to figure out things I can do for myself, and debating about taking some online courses. If not, then when we move I am probably going to start looking for a full time job or something and put the little guy into daycare. I know he would love the social interaction and I would love the independence of working again. The extra money never hurts either!
So as you can tell, much happier days are here, and I hope they stay. I feel almost 100% again, and it's a feeling that I have missed.