Lonely out here...

So, the first few days after he left, of course I was a mess. And then things got a little easier there for about a week. But now, I feel like everyday is starting to get harder again. I mean, I just miss him. It's the little things like, not being able to talk at night before we fall asleep, not waking up to him in the morning and pouncing on him to get up with me, it's when I want to give bugboy to him, but he's not here to make him laugh and coo. I hate it. This time of the year is the worst for being lonely too. With the rain and cold, I feel like that's exactly how I feel. It gets to the point where I won't go out because it's such a pain to get myself ready, get the baby ready, run all the errands I need to, then get everything and everyone back inside and settled. It sucks. I really hate this lifestyle we live sometimes. I mean, I am extremely grateful to the military because it provides us with his career, a roof over our heads, food on the table, and of course money to have nice things, but sometimes the sacrifice outweighs the benefits. I so wish things could be different, had gone different, or would ever go the way we plan. But that's not this lifestyle, and while I would never give my husband up because I hated his job, it doesn't make times like this any easier.

So sorry about my tangent there. I needed to get that off my chest. I know there are thousands of other wives, mothers, sisters, fiances, and girlfriends who go through exactly what I'm going through now. At least we can all stick together.

So after some long thought, and many hours on the phone with a number of different people/companies, I finally buckled down and switched my plane ticket to an earlier date, so the bugboy and I can get out of here. I know I could survive out here with him by myself, but I want to be with my family and support system. And there's no reason I shouldn't. Granted, it's costing me quite a bit of money to do so, but it's worth it. Things will be easier for the both of us. I will get time to myself, and he will get to meet his family, and we will still have each other without the hard days being so...hard.

The one down side to this is that I cancelled my ticket to see my in-laws. We were going to visit them too while hubby is gone, but I don't feel as though I could emotionally handle them without him. They really are wonderful people, but I need support, strength, and people who understand me and what I'm going through right now. They just don't. His family has never been who I go to when I cry, or who I go to for advice and strength. They just don't get it, and I don't think they ever really will. Which is strange, because with my husband being gone, you would think they go through the same things I do right? But it's almost as if he and his family just detach from each other until they see each other again. It's like they don't think about each other, or call, or really anything. I'm sure they do, but they just handle things very differently than I do. Which is why I think going out to see them would just be a disaster right now. I want to wait until I get this whole being separated from my husband because of the military thing down a little better. And that probably won't come for a few more times.

Anyway, I guess that's it. My little man is already over a month old, and it simply amazes me how much he has grown, learned, and changed over the time! It's crazy how the time flies, and I feel like tomorrow I will wake up and he's going to be ready to leave, get married, and start his family already. Scary thought. So I'm taking in every minute I can with him, and love him more than he will ever know. Same with my husband. I can't wait until Christmas time, I hope he gets to come home to us. I miss him.